Thursday, 25 February 2010

Enough with the stolen glances - can we just have sex?

I have a confession to make - I'm a terrible flirt. Not in the sense that I just can't control myself around attractive men, I mean I'm really, really bad at it. In my defence though, modern courtship is so bloody difficult, it's a miracle the human race hasn't died out as we all sat around trying to interpret that smile (friendly or flirtatious?) or that look (meaningful stare or staring into space?) - it's like analysing the bloody Mona Lisa.

There's a man in the office I've been eyeing up for a while. He came and introduced himself the other day ( making the first move or just being polite?) and since then I've had no idea where to look, or rather, how to look. Trying to look without looking like you're looking is tricky, especially when even though you don't wan't to look like you're looking, you want to look like you *might* be looking otherwise how else will they get the hint? And don't get me started on smiling (smile first or wait for them to smile first? And what if they don't smile, so you don't smile, but you're looking at each other and now you look like you're staring like a psychopath?) - it's a minefield!

As a precaution, I've taken to staring at the floor with the kind of zeal that could only be mustered by a lifelong subscriber to Carpet Enthusiast Weekly whenever I sense he may be around (creepy or coy? I think I know this answer to this one...).

I'll admit it's easier in nightclubs; sadly in the workplace it's far less acceptable to get regrettably drunk and pin that special someone against a wall to show how much you care by throwing up on their shoes. I don't really want to live in a world where we dispense with all pretence of courtesy and just proposition one another with impunity - and I'm actually not just looking for someone to warm my bed - but could we dispense with the games? My mental co-ordination isn't up to scratch; I'm getting a bit giddy. And you've got to admit, sex would make a pretty good ice-breaker.

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