Thursday, 27 May 2010

All about me....

Self absorbed as I am, I have decided to dole out some nuggets of delicious information about yours truly for you to file away and use as potential blackmail material. Yeah, I'm bored, and a quiz just wont cover it.

* I always look for the pets in "Missing Dog/Cat" posters and am always sad when I don't find them.

* I don't get one night stands - what if you accidentally slept with someone who voted Tory?

* Most people like lip balms with sweet scents/flavours, I like the ones that smell like medicine and make your lips burn slightly - possibly because I'm a masochist, possibly because that makes it feel like it's working. I'm using Carmex at the minute, it stings, it's lovely.

* I think there is a fine line between "edgy comedian" and "complete cunt" and that Russell Brand has gone so far over it that the line is merely a dot on the horizon to him.

* I judge people on what newspaper they read. Guardian = excellent, Independent = fine, but I will ask what interest you find in a paper that is SO boringly self-righteous all the time, and what you thought of them having Kate Moss black up for a feature on third world debt the other year, The Times = tolerable, but we'll be friends, never lovers, The Telegraph = we might chat in passing, but friendship is unlikely, The Express = you don't have friends outside of the asylum anyway, The Daily Mail = I would stab you if I thought for a second I could get away with it, The Sun = If you like tits so much, buy Playboy, I'd have more respect for you, The Mirror = Is the best of the bunch so far as trashy tabloids go, but it's nothing to brag about, The Star/Daily Sport = I refuse to acknowledge your existence, no newspaper = I'm wary of you. What's your game?

* Relatedly, I don't get the recent trend for having famous models black up. Did the fashion world not get the memo that everyone else digested and mentally filed under "Probably a good idea to quit doing that" about 40 years ago? Do the models never say to the make-up artist, photographer, their agent "Um, are you certain this is wise"?

* Also relatedly, I have zero natural respect for people who read the sports pages first. No matter how big the game last night was, it is not more important than the *actual news*. Have some perspective!

* I thought I had way more of these, but I've forgotten them all.

Sunday, 16 May 2010

The Daily Fail - exaggerate the truth? Never!

A few things bother me about this story:

First of all, I am 5'11 with 24 inch waist and I do not look "shockingly skinny", as anyone who's met me in real life will attest. Thin, yes, I get that a lot, but only idiots suggest I have a problem. Also, I rather have doubts about the fact that she turned up to a casting and looked a glowing picture of health and then one week later was a bag of bones, unless she'd contracted a particularly fast-acting flesh-eating virus.

Second of all, the Fail claims in the sidebar (although not in the main article text) that the magazine airbrushed her to look three stone heavier. Now excuse me, but as previously stated, I am virtually the same size as the model in question and I've been told by various quacks that I'm between one and two stone underweight, and that's underweight in terms of what's "average" not the bare minimum that would be considered healthy. So three stone to make her look healthy? I don't think so. Yet another example of the Fail's constant manipulation of measures and statistics to scaremonger the population into being in a terminal state of panic, so that they might look to newspapers (one in specific, obviously) for guidance in this time of turmoil. Hey, that's how the right wing tabloid press works.

The size zero models are coming for you - RUN!

Monday, 10 May 2010

Good times for a change...

Just to give you a break from the perpetual bleakness of my posts (Is it my fault life is generally rubbish? No.) , I thought I'd bring you some good news. Well, good for me, not for you. I don't care about you, that's not how this blogging business works.

Anyway, I'm sure you've all been on the edge of your seats since my lost post detailing the ongoing saga of my casting for a job with the salon which is not to be named. You'll recall I wasn't chosen for the photographic section, which led to me questioning, again, whether my face is really that off-putting, but a question mark hung over my selection for the presentation day. Would I make the cut? Wouldn't I? (Haha, "make the cut" cos it's hair modelling job, innit?) I would!

Ok, so most VS girls aren't really models, so it's not so flattering in that sense, but hey, my nemesis, Agyness Deyn was spotted after a hair competition, so I remain optimistic about the exciting possibilities. And it is nice to be chosen regardless, considering how many jobs in a row I've been up for with them without having been picked, despite the fact that I am nominally a professional model. Also, for all my socialist values, I like money. I like it a lot. I think it's borne of my never having any. So £250 for a day's work? Yes please, Mr Hairdresser Sir. I miss the whole show crew too - maybe one more than others - it having been so long since I last did one for them, so should be a fun day. Was worried initially it would be depressing because the negative consequence of my sticking by the salon for three years when most flounce in and out after one cut is that every show brings in a fresh crop of near foetal newbies. And that can make me feel completely out of place but this time I've decided to view it as a positive - "I'm six years older than you and I still got picked - this means I'm better than you. Lets see if you're still here in three years, sweetheart." Boo-yah, like.

So all in all, good news, yes?

Saturday, 8 May 2010

Some Facts

I'm going to give you a couple of facts here and let you do what you want with them.

1.) The upper-age limit on applications for new models with all the major agencies is 21 for women and 30 for men.

2.) Kate Moss is constantly derided in the press both for being 36 and for having a few lines on her forehead and around her eyes, which are airbrushed out in all her photos. The new advert for Calvin Klein's Eternity for Men shows a very handsome male model, in his mid thirties, with deep and visible lines on his forehead and around his eyes.

Is the industry sexist? Is the industry just a microcosm of the world in general? Do I like Morrissey?